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Part 8 - Examples of Good and Bad Writing. Learning to write often works best by example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in the bunch. In most cases, the names and dates from the essays have been changed to Month ~ Stationery, not compromise the Templates - Web Creative, subject matter for future students (in other words, don't use any of the Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates, apparent research information here in your papers). I have tried to categorize the errors as best as I could. Errors or bad portions are usually bolded to help you identify them. Smith was a religious, Christian man. His notion of monads included contextual references to God. He believed that God controls the harmony of life through these monads. The essay then goes on to discuss these monads in a Christian context.
Had the student omitted the above sentences, however, the discussion of religion would have been completely out of Resume Letters place, given the essay's topic. But since the person being discussed had religious views that affected his theories and work, it is relevant to 2016-2017 ~ Stationery, mention the religious aspect. Publisher Flyer Templates Creative All. Had Smith's religion not been a direct influence on his work, it would have been irrelevant. Similarly, you wouldn't mention other things about someone in Planner Templates, an essay if it wasn't relevant to the topic. For example, it is irrelevant to The 3g4g E-Utran Drivers, mention a scientist's race in an essay about their discovery unless the race impacted the discovery.
An example of this might be if a black scientist's prime motivation to find a cure for sickle cell anemia was because that disease strikes black people in proportionally higher numbers. Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates. If the same scientist was researching some aspect of physics, it would probably not be relevant to Report Template Doc Image, mention the race at all. An introductory paragraph: On March 4, 1849, John Smith was born to Anna Bradcock Smith and Planner ~ Stationery, James Smith. Although certainly not of humble origins, John was acquainted with several prominent and influential men of politics with whom he discussed matters of mathematics, history, science, logic, law, and theology. Smith was brilliant in each of these fields, but he became known particularly for his contributions in the fields of philosophy, mathematics, and logistics. This paper will not only shed light on some of Smith's theories and words regarding these three areas, but will also tell of the events in his life that made him the man that he was. This is the introduction to The 3g4g Mobility Drivers, a chronologically-ordered essay about Smith's life and discoveries. As such, the choice to begin with his date of birth is a good one. Month Planner ~ Stationery Templates. The paragraph summarizes the For Executives, fields touched by Smith and also mentions the key areas he studied. The paper sets up an expectation for the reader of both a detailed explanation of Smith's discoveries and anecdotes describing his personality.
The sentence structure is grammatically sound and flows well. In the late 1650's , Smith's mother returned to London , she then pulled him out of school with the intent to make him a farmer . Apostrophes indicate possessiveness or contractions, not plurality. The decade is the 1650s. The sentence is a run-on. It should either end after London, beginning a new sentence with She then, or the she then should be changed to and. To make someone a farmer is to create a farmer for them. The student meant: to turn him into a farmer or to Month, encourage him to be a farmer. Smith invented the widgetiscope and paved the way for future widget watching. All-the-while remaining a simple and humble man who considered himself to be part of a team working for the greater good. The bolded part is not a complete sentence.
The entire thing should be one sentence. All-the-while does not require hyphenation. The two differing approaches of For Executives development already described, eventually led to Month Planner ~ Stationery, the development of the two original branches of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. This sentence is mispunctuated. The comma is confusing and Resume Sample For Executives, should be removed, and the semicolon should be a colon. Another of Smith's ideas was the method of differentiation. The university re-opened after the plague in 1667.
Smith was elected to 2016-2017 A5 Printable, a minor fellowship, and 10+ Best Templates - Web Creative All, awarded a major fellowship after he received his Master's Degree (Bogus 4). 2016-2017 Templates. After the realization that Calculus was important, and Cover Outline, was being recognized, a document to record all of the theories became a necessity. Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable. The Methodis Differantium, the document that contained the elements of the theory of differentiation, was created in 1667. Smith believed he was being pulled in two directions when it came to publishing his theories and making his work known. He felt a need for fame and fortune, yet on the other hand he had an Letter Outline What Essay Cover abundant fear of rejection.
To the dismay of many future mathematicians, it was never published because of Smith's fear of criticism. Since he was not focusing on publishing his work, Smith pursued his career as a professor. This so-called paragraph is an utter mess. There are far too many ideas in it, all of Month 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates which are strung together haphazardly without any logical flow. I'll try to dissect and rewrite it, but I won't make errors bold because the entire paragraph would be bold if I did. First, let's pick out the different topics being addressed: the method of differentiation the Cover For An Cover, university re-opening after the plague Smith's ascension through the university ranks the Month A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, need of a document detailing differentiation, which was eventually created Smith's mental state, desires and fears. Now, if we replace each sentence with the number of the corresponding idea, we can see what a jumbled mess this is: 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4, 3.
Don't introduce a paragraph with one topic and then leap to another topic in the next sentence. While it may sometimes be necessary to mention something as an aside to complement the topic, the return to the topic should be swift and easy to understand. Don't bounce around within the paragraph as this student has done. Another problem: there doesn't seem to be a coherent timeline within the Publisher - Web Creative All, paragraph. Did the university re-open in 1667, or was the plague in 1667? Is the student saying that Smith was elected to a minor fellowship that year or another year? Similarly, when did the major fellowship and Master's Degree come in? It's unlikely to have all happened in one year, though it is possible. The document was created in 1667, it seems, but when did Smith decide not to publish and A5 Printable, seek work as a professor instead? Also 1667? It sounds like that was a very busy year for poor Smith!
The sentences themselves are also awkwardly constructed, making the Gallery - Hcpr, entire thing hard to understand. I'll make some assumptions regarding the confusing date information. Here is how this information should have been presented: Smith's ideas on the method of differentiation were gaining recognition in Planner A5 Printable, the mathematical community, which made it necessary for him to produce a document detailing all of his theories on the subject. Thus, when the university re-opened in 1667 following the Doc Image - Hcpr, plague and Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, he wrote Methodis Differantium. Although Smith wished to attain fame and Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, fortune, he also feared rejection. This dichotomy resulted in his failure to publish Methodis Differantium; a failure that would be mourned by mathematicians well into the future. Still, Smith was awarded a major fellowship after receiving his Master's Degree in [insert year]. Since he was not interested in publishing his work, he concentrated instead on pursuing a position as a professor.
Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705 to be given the title of Sir Joe Smith, which made him the first scientist to be so honored for his work (Bogus) . The phrase to be given is Studio 2008, awkward here. It would be better written: Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in Month Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable, 1705, which gave him the title of Sir. Analysis In Visual 2008 Balliauw. Who else could be honoured for Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Smith's work other than Smith? It should say: . which made him the first man to be honored for scientific work. There probably should be a page number listed in the citation. Jones had a main idea of analytic geometry. What does this mean?
Does the Resume, student mean that one of Jones' main ideas concerned analytic geometry? Does he mean that one of the main ideas of analytic geometry was conceived by Jones? Or does he mean something else entirely? This makes little sense and is very awkward. Whether Smith made no use of the manuscript from which he had copied abstracts , or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope, are questions on which at this distance of time no direct evidence is available . If Smith made no use of the Month ~ Stationery, manuscript, he can't have used it to copy abstracts. This is a very awkward way of saying that the events in question happened so long ago that there is no longer sufficient evidence to answer certain questions. It would be better written:
Questions as to Internship Letters For Internship, whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope are rooted so far in the past that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. This is still a bit awkward. It's best when broken up into smaller sentences: There are still questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope. Such questions are rooted so far in Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, the past, however, that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to Sample Internship Cover Letter. Letters, provide answers. Smith formed a political plan to try to persuade the Germans to attack the French due to him not agreeing with their political agendas and this proved the means of his visiting Hamburg. Due to him not agreeing with is a very awkward way of saying: because he disagreed with. Month A5 Printable. The second bolded part should be a separate sentence. Proved the Sample Internship Resume Cover Letter. For Internship, means of his visiting is a very awkward way of saying is why he visited. Jones explained ideas too enormous to Planner A5 Printable, understand, and simplified problems too complex to approach. Not only is this hyperbole, it's also logically impossible.
If the ideas were too complicated to understand, Jones couldn't have understood them himself. - Hcpr. If the problems were too complex to Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery, approach, Jones could not have approached them. Mismatched Words, Phrases, and Pronouns. After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for several months. Code Performance Analysis Studio 2008 - Maarten Balliauw. After no sign of recovery, a lawyer was summoned to the manor.
A will was drawn up, including one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock, grain, and ~ Stationery Templates, Smith Senior's death (Bogus 10). His mother gave birth to Analysis In Visual Studio 2008, Smith three months after Smith senior died. He was premature after suffering from Month A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, illness due to the shock of her husband's passing during the fall . The phrase after no sign of recovery is not properly attached to Smith's father. Instead, it is saying that the lawyer did not recover from Report Template Doc Image, something. Month 2016-2017 ~ Stationery. A will does not include land, a house, etc. It states to Report Doc Image Gallery - Hcpr, whom such things are bequeathed. This should say: A will was drawn up leaving one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock and grain to Month 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates, [whomever]. I don't even understand how and The 3g4g Mobility, Smith Senior's death fits into Month 2016-2017 Templates this sentence. Cover Is The Format Essay. His in the sentence His mother gave birth. refers to the antecedent Smith Senior. Thus, Smith Senior's mother gave birth to Smith Senior's son.
That would necessitate incest, and is clearly not what the student meant to Month ~ Stationery, say. Letter.. They should have simply said Elizabeth gave birth. Who else but someone's mother gives birth to Month ~ Stationery, them anyway? Given the confusions regarding the various Smiths, it would have been better if the student had used first names during this part of the essay. Resume For Executives. There is Month Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates, inconsistency in capitalization. It is Smith Senior once, and Smith senior another time. The he in he was premature again refers to Analysis Studio 2008 Balliauw, the wrong antecedent. Smith Senior was not premature. Smith did not suffer illness due to the shock of Smith Senior's passing. 2016-2017 ~ Stationery. Elizabeth did. This sentence says that Smith suffered the illness.
The student suddenly introduces the Report Template Gallery, phrase during the fall when no other mention of the season has been made. This could be confused with Smith Senior dying from a fall. Lastly, the inverse relationship between area and the tangent were never attained. The relationship is Month Planner ~ Stationery, singular, even though it refers to multiple elements. Sample. Thus, the verb were should be singular as well, and changed to was. It was this century where many of the worlds most honorable and highly respected mathematicians created what we know today as calculus.
A century is not a place, it is a section of time. Say it is a place where. or a time when. In this case, It was this century when. Adding an 's' without an apostrophe in this case is pluralization, not indicative of possession. The student means world's. But perhaps the largest obstacle , which the Greeks could not overcome, were their insufficient number and measuring system . Were is Month Planner, plural, but obstacle and system are singular.
It should be was. Tragically at the age of six, Smith's father died. This says that Smith's father died at the age of six. The student means: Tragically, when Smith was six years old his father died. Jones, now familiar with Smith's discoveries, wrote Smith a letter soon after the publication of his discoveries. After the publication of Report Template Gallery - Hcpr whose discoveries: Jones' or Smith's? Jones reasoned that if he could calculate the angles of the projected colour, a new law of refraction could be made . People can make legal laws, but natural or scientific laws are discovered. Month Planner Templates. To make a new law of refraction, Jones would have to alter physics.
During the seventeenth century, the inhabitants of England did not realize the importance of scientific advancement. Inhabitants could well mean non-human creatures, and is thus a poor choice of a word. Are we to understand that ALL of the Cover Letter., people in England failed to realize the importance of scientific advancement for an entire century? It would have been better if the student had said most people in 2016-2017 A5 Printable, England. At the Flyer Creative, current time, the dominant belief was that light traveled in wave . The current time is the moment the reader is reading the sentence. The student meant to say that the belief was such during the historical time period being discussed. 2016-2017 ~ Stationery. Current should be omitted. The phrase in wave has an error. It should either be in waves or in The 3g4g Blog: Mobility And Limitations, a wave. Both may be correct, but such an error can be misunderstood if one is incorrect. This would likely have been caught if the student had read the paper out loud.
Secondly, Jones' reliance on Month Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, geometric algebra rather than symbolic notation created considerable impedance to the identification of solutions of computational features found frequently to different problems. Here is an Publisher Flyer - Web Creative All example of a student not knowing the proper meaning of a word. Impedance means opposition to the flow of electric current. It does not mean the same as to impede, which is to be an Planner A5 Printable Templates obstacle. The 3g4g Blog: E-Utran Drivers. This could be an instance where a student used the thesaurus in a word processor to Planner, come up with a word without bothering to Resume For Executives, check if the word fit the Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery, context. It could also simply be that the student had mislearned the word themselves. Incidentally, a quick check of Internship Resume MS Word 97 shows synonyms to impedance to be obstruction, block, baffle, hindrance, breakwater, fin, and maze.
So here is Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, direct proof that you shouldn't always trust what a word processor thesaurus tells you is an equivalent word. The 3g4g Blog: Mobility And Limitations. Be diligent and look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary before using them in Month 2016-2017 Templates, your essay. In studying widgetry, it serves as great importance that one is aware of the two systems of Report Template Doc Image Gallery widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. Something does not serve as great importance, and A5 Printable Templates, one being aware doesn't fit either. 10+ Best Publisher Flyer - Web All. This is a student trying to sound fancy but instead making no sense. The sentence should read:
In studying widgetry, one should be aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. It was thought that Jones hated his stepfather and his mother, partly for abandoning him at such a young age. Who thought so? This entire statement, which implies something that cannot be proven and is thus not a basic fact, had no attribution in the essay. Since it was about someone historical and the student couldn't possibly have known this unless they got it from a source, it was plagiarism to include it without attribution.
Smith managed one friendship through this time and the value of that is always questioned. Who is questioning the value? There is no attribution to explain who questions it or to prove that it is questioned by anyone other than the student. What precisely is being questioned? The value of only 2016-2017 A5 Printable, having one friend, or the Creative, value of the one friendship to Smith in Planner ~ Stationery, particular? . which means that the cut in the # of Internship Resume Letters For Internship points is equal to the degree of the curve. Using the # symbol instead of the word number is a bad short cut, and certainly inappropriate for a formal essay.
Smith also helped to improve the scientific community ; his focus was mainly regarding widgetry. How does a focus on a subject help to improve a community? It might improve the Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery, understanding of the subject in the community, but does that improve the Blog: E-Utran Mobility And Limitations, community itself? This is a badly worded assertion. If it truly did benefit the Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery, scientific community as a whole, the student should cite a source demonstrating that to For Executives, be the case. No attribution was present.
In one day, John's attitude towards school changed for the better. A boy ranked just above him kicked him in the stomach. At the end of the day John challenged the boy to a fight. Even though John was much smaller than his opponent, his determination overtook the boy. Winning the fight was still not enough. John applied himself in 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates, class, and soon became the top student in the school. This entire paragraph introduces an Sample anecdote for the purpose of explaining what drove John to become a better student.
Incredibly, it manages to completely fail to Month Planner, mention the relationship between the anecdote and Letter Is The, John's new-found classroom enthusiasm. The relationship is implied and the reader can guess that John wished to beat the boy in more than just a physical fight, and thus worked hard to outrank the boy in 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates, the classroom, but that is not stated. The paragraph is very choppy and the sentences do not flow well. Read it out loud, and The 3g4g Mobility And Limitations, you'll hear how it sounds like a grade school book instead of 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates a university essay. During this time, Smith constructed a water clock. Letter. For Internship. He constructed the 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, clock out Report Doc Image Gallery, of an old box. This is Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery, choppy. It could be easily combined into one sentence.
Jones became began to study motion. This error was probably due to a sentence that once legitimately contained the word became being edited without became being removed. If the student had read the essay out loud or given it to a friend to read, this error likely would have been noticed. Yet, in 1679, Jones would discover that his initial calculation the Moon's distance from Earth was incorrect. Here is another example of The 3g4g Blog: E-Utran Mobility And Limitations a simple error of omission that could have been caught if the student had read the essay aloud or given it to Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery, a friend to Performance, read. The word of should be between calculation and the. That one small error makes the entire sentence awkward and confusing. Month Planner 2016-2017 Templates. If the instructor has to reread the sentence to try to understand its meaning, the flow of the essay is interrupted.
If this happens often enough in the essay, it gives an overall bad impression on what otherwise might be a very good paper in terms of research. More examples of errors that could have been caught if the Report Template Doc Image Gallery - Hcpr, students had bothered to read their essay: One of Smith's main contribution was his use of. Widgetry emphasized the A5 Printable ~ Stationery, notion of the infinite widget, which in fact cam as a great service to Smith in that it served as an important too in helping explain his branch of widgetry. Jones might have in fact perputuated the ideas, but he was also at a loss when he could not make good sense of them from the beginning.
Admiration for Smith grew in Publisher Flyer - Web Creative All, the filed of widgetry. With Jones' encouragement, Smith drafter a number of monographs on 2016-2017 Templates, religious topics. Smith considers out universe to be a gravitational system. On August 10, 1777, Jones was ent a letter from. In later research , it was proven that Jones was incorrect and science rejected his theories about Outline What Is The Format For An Cover light until the next century.
Thus, it was scientifically proven that Jones' theories about quanta (tiny particulate packets of energy) were indeed correct . Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates. The wave formulation was also correct . When was this later research? Who performed the research? In discussing whether someone was proven incorrect or not, it is a good idea to fully explain who did the proving when, and possibly even how they came to their conclusion. These sentences contradict each other. Was Jones proven incorrect or correct? Does the Performance In Visual 2008 - Maarten Balliauw, student mean that Jones was erroneously proven incorrect, but science later found that he was correct after all? Or was Jones correct about some things and not others? The use of Month Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates Thus implies causality.
How does the proof that Jones is incorrect and the rejection by science suddenly become scientific proof of his theory being correct? Regardless of what the student meant by the flip from incorrect to correct, there is nothing given to establish causality. It's disappointing to see such sloppiness as this in an essay. This particular essay featured clipart, so it was obviously done on 10+ Best Publisher All, a computer with a modern word processor. It clearly wasn't spell-checked. Such complete disregard is automatically indicative of a student who doesn't care about their final product, and while the error itself is Month Planner Templates, minor, it gives a bad impression to Blog:, the grader. In fact, this essay had several spelling errors that could have been caught. That's inexcusable at the university level. It was also during this time that he traveled to his uncle's place in Brunswick.
Place is colloquial. Use home, apartment, residence or other such appropriate word instead. Smith attempted to obtain his doctorate of law degree at Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable the University of Anytown but was denied because positions were being held for the older students -- and Smith was much too young. Smith's secretary claims that he was told many times, however, that Smith was denied admission because of Sample For Internship negative feelings that the Dean's wife held for him. Smith's secretary is probably dead, since this essay is about someone from the 19th century. Therefore, they no longer claim anything. It should be past tense. Since the Month, student doesn't cite this, there is an implication that perhaps the For Executives, secretary is not dead and the student went so far as to interview the secretary personally.
That is, of course, quite unlikely, meaning that this student has plagiarised this information from Planner 2016-2017 Templates, one of their sources. The following are a few concepts that form the basis of Leibnizian calculus: [followed by three bulleted paragraphs comprised mostly of Code Analysis In Visual Balliauw direct quotation] Using bullets in a formal essay is rarely appropriate. It is preferable to write out the Month A5 Printable, bulleted information into proper paragraph form. This student seems to Outline What Is The, have been too lazy to Month, bother paraphrasing a bunch of direct quotations into a formal essay structure. Along came the Joe Smith, a mathematician considered by numerous scholars to be a pioneer of calculus, including other renowned mathematician, Bill Jones. The Joe Smith? There has only been one? The student means another, not other. Sloppy. The first page of the essay starts with: have been developed (5).
The second page starts with the header Introduction and the opening paragraph. Clearly, the student stapled the Internship Cover Letter., pages out of Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable order. Blog: Mobility Drivers. What a sloppy mistake! Pages should be numbered unless you're specifically instructed not to for some reason, and you should always ensure that all of the pages are present and in proper order before binding the essay. If the Month Planner Templates, instructor has to begin by figuring out what the heck is going on, they will automatically have a bad impression of your essay and Sample, possibly of you. Jones was quite a busy man in that along with his position in the Court of Planner ~ Stationery Templates Mainz, he also managed to Resume Sample For Executives, serve as Baron Johann Christian von Boineburg as secretary, librarian, lawyer, advisor, assistant, and most importantly, friend.
Quite a busy man is a bit colloquial. A busy man would do. Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates. The first as is an error, since Jones did not serve as the Baron, he served the Baron. This may have been caught if the student had read their essay out loud. His Chummy, Bill Jones, who Smith shared a room with until his resignation from this fellowship in 1683. Chummy should only be included if it was Smith's actual word for Jones. If this is the case, it is Sample, a quotation from 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates, a source and should be cited. If not, it is colloquial and should just say His friend Bill Jones. Who should be whom in this case.
A site called Grammar and Style has information on how to use who and whom. This isn't even a complete sentence. Smith was born prematurely and was so small when he was born that they thought he might not live. Repeating that he was born is Resume Cover, redundant. Who does they refer to?
Doctors? Parents? Relatives? Townsfolk? It is a pronoun without an Month Templates antecedent. In this publication, Jones has a discourse between the belief systems of the natural philosophical world around him.
Has is the wrong word here because the essay is about a person who is now dead. Dead people don't have discourse with anyone in the present, so the Templates - Web, word should at least be had. But even had is awkward, and Month Planner, a better word would be wrote. Discourse means to converse, especially orally. One does not speak orally in a publication. And Limitations. It is written. Planner 2016-2017 Templates. This word should be omitted. Between denotes at least two participants, but Jones is the only one having the supposed discourse. This too should be omitted. Natural philosophical world is confusing. Does the student mean the natural, philosophical world, which would be the world described as both natural and philosophical?
Or do they mean natural philosophical world, in which natural modifies philosophical and not world, in which case the grammatically correct phrase would be naturally philosophical world? This would be better written as: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the natural, philosophical world around him. or, depending on the answer to the fourth point: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the Template Doc Image Gallery - Hcpr, naturally philosophical world around him. He was home for approximately 18 months, according to Jones the Month Planner 2016-2017 Templates, 18 months was the most predominant time period of Performance Analysis 2008 Balliauw his life. This is a run-on sentence. It should either end between 18 months and according, or it should be rewritten to Planner 2016-2017, make it a proper sentence. 18 months is repeated for What Format Essay no reason. 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates. 18 months is plural, so it should be 18 months were not 18 months was.
Predominant means superior especially in power or numbers. Something cannot be most superior. Most should be omitted. Predominant is not the Publisher - Web, best word in this case anyway. If the student means it was the most powerful time of Month Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates Jones' life, they should be clear about that. If they mean it was the most superior numerical time of his life, then he logically cannot have been more than 36 months old. Simpson was content after his ability to reproduce Smith's experiment.
Jones was not that easy, the two men fought constantly. The student probably means that Simpson was content once he was able to reproduce Smith's experiment. The current phrasing doesn't quite say that, and The 3g4g Blog: Drivers, is awkward and Month Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, confusing. Jones was not that easy to Letter Outline Is The Format Essay Cover, what? The student probably means Jones was not that easy to satisfy or something equivalent. This is a run-on sentence. It should end after easy, or be rewritten to be grammatically correct. Planner ~ Stationery. Which two men? Simpson and Jones or Smith and Jones? The information on physics before this section is important to understanding whom Newton was, but arguably, his greatest advancements were in the field of mathematics, most importantly Calculus.
Incorrect use of Sample Internship Cover Letters For Internship whom. Month ~ Stationery Templates. Should be who. A site called Grammar and Style has information on Resume Sample For Executives, how to use who and whom. There should not be a comma between arguably and his. There is no citation as to anyone arguing that Newton's greatest advancements were in mathematics.
This might be because it would be difficult to prove in the face of the importance of Newtonian physics. Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates. Advancements is Blog: Drivers And Limitations, probably the wrong word. Achievements or discoveries would be better. Newton's advancements are more likely to be funds paid in advance of publication. The addition of most importantly is awkward.
Particularly would have been a better word. The use of greatest and most importantly referring to Calculus is hyperbole. Given that this essay was for a Calculus class, it sounds like a kiss-up. The declarations of superiority are superfluous, unattributed, probably erroneous, and possibly pandering. It's all very ugly. A concluding sentence: Smith's great work, theories, and studies will continue to live on forever in the ever-changing world of science and mathematics . How can the student know that Smith's work will live on forever? That's an impossible assertion to Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates, make. Work, theories and studies don't live.
They exist, but they are not organic creatures. Performance Studio 2008 - Maarten. If the Month A5 Printable Templates, world is ever-changing, how again can the student know that Smith's work won't one day be considered nonsense? Or lost entirely? World is singular, but it refers to two worlds, one of science and 10+ Best, one of mathematics. This conclusion reeks of hyperbole. (So does the phrase reeks of Planner 2016-2017 hyperbole, but this is Template Gallery, not a formal essay.) A scientist before Smith by the name of Jones knew that he could demonstrate the ration between two infinite sums. The phrasing here is Planner A5 Printable, a bit awkward. It would be better phrased: Jones, a predecessor of Smith, knew that. Cover Outline What Essay. Ration is the A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, wrong word. The student meant ratio. This is one of those errors that a spell-check cannot find, but if the essay had been read aloud it may have been noticed.
One man was proclaiming to be the inventor of the widgetiscope and another man was proclaiming the Resume Sample For Executives, exact same thing; who is telling the truth? The main problem here is the change in tense. You can't go from was to is if the subject remains fixed in time. Furthermore, it is incorrect to Month 2016-2017 ~ Stationery, refer to someone who is dead as doing anything in Analysis Studio 2008 - Maarten, the present besides being dead (and possibly rotting). A dead person is not telling anything right now, but they were in the past. Try to Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, avoid using the passive form was proclaiming and instead use proclaimed. This particular statement is also bad because of the subject matter.
The student has already shown in Template - Hcpr, the essay that both men happened to independently invent the widgetiscope, but the issue is Planner ~ Stationery, who deserved the title for inventing it first . So actually, neither one was necessarily lying, and the student should not make it appear that one or the other may have been doing so. 10+ Best Publisher Flyer All. You must be careful not to libel people. The phrasing here is awkward and possibly a bit too conversational in the final question. Month Planner ~ Stationery Templates. A better way of writing this would be: Two men proclaimed to be the inventor of calculus, but only one could be given the credit. The argument was so drawn out that a decision was not easy to come by which worked against Smith's favor. Jones had been considered the sole inventor of the widgetiscope for fifteen years already, which gave him the upper hand. The student meant to say that the Doc Image - Hcpr, duration of the Planner ~ Stationery, argument caused Smith to lose. But because the student failed to put the necessary comma between the Report Template Doc Image Gallery, bolded words, this sentence actually says, by means of a complicated string of Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery multiple negatives, that it was not easy to come to a decision against Smith, meaning he won. This sentence would be better worded this way: Because the argument took so long, Smith lost.
But then, at the beginning of the next paragraph, the Cover Letter. For Internship, student writes: The argument took years to Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates, unravel and never really came to a definitive decision. This negates what the student had asserted before: that Smith lost because of the duration of the argument. This also repeats the fact that it was a long argument, which is redundant. It was from the Greeks, where the Sample For Executives, underlying of 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates widgetry emerged and set the basis of what widgetry has become. The Greeks are a people, not a place, so things come from whom, not where. Analysis In Visual Studio Balliauw. The comma in this sentence should not be there. It sets up an expectation that the portion after the comma is a separate clause, as in: It was from the Greeks, who also invented blodgetry, that widgetry came forth. Note that because the who is in Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, the separate clause, it should not be whom. Letter. Letters. The underlying what ? You can't just say the underlying of widgetry. It has to be the underlying something of widgetry, whether that something is Planner, basis, foundation, etc.
Although there was a time of intellectual heightening , there came a period of darkness in the development of mathematics (Ewards 45) . Intellectual heightening is an icky, awkward phrase. Intellectual development would have been much better. In going over this old essay, I wondered if perhaps this was a typo of the name Edwards. I checked the bibliography to confirm the name, and discovered that nothing by The 3g4g E-Utran Mobility Drivers And Limitations Ewards, Edwards, or any similar name was there at all. Had this gone noticed when the paper was being graded, serious questions would have been raised as to Month 2016-2017 Templates, the validity of the student's sources and bibliography. Be sure to list all sources in your bibliography, and Blog: Mobility Drivers, be sure to spell them correctly when citing! One motive of Sumerian algebra was to impose on A5 Printable, themselves a concepts that they could not fully understand and precisely compute, and for this reason, rejected concepts of irrational as numbers, all traces of the infinite, such as limit concepts, from their own mathematics. Motive applies to Sumerian algebra, not Sumerians. Therefore, that motive cannot be imposed on themselves. It should be written: One motive of the Sumerians concerning their algebra was to impose on themselves. although that is still an Publisher Templates - Web awkward phrase. Concepts should not be plural.
This is sloppiness that probably could have been detected if the student had bothered to read over Month Planner 2016-2017 his essay. The sentence should end after compute. A new sentence should begin, For this reason. The word they should be put between reason and rejected to say: For this reason, they rejected concepts. Outline What For An Essay Cover. This sentence is so garbled with mismatched subclauses that adding another is just icky. I'd put such as limit concepts in parenthesis, or rewrite the sentence to bring that idea out on its own. If Greek rigor had surmounted their need to succeed in these elements and refused to use real numbers and limits till they had finally understood them, calculus may have never formed and mathematics as a whole would be obsolete (Apostal 102). The verb refused applies to Greek rigor, not Greeks, which is nonsensical.
Be careful to ensure that your verbs match the subject you intend for them. Don't use till when you mean until. That's colloquial at Month Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates best, and not really a proper use of the word at Letter Outline What Is The For An Essay all at worst. The proper phrase is have never been formed. To say something never formed begs the question: What didn't it form?
Even though there is a citation for this extreme declaration that mathematics as a whole would be obsolete, it's still probably hyperbole. Month Templates. I wonder if the source actually said that, or if the student's paraphrasing has overstated the source's point that mathematics might be different without the Report Doc Image Gallery - Hcpr, advent of Month Planner Templates calculus. Sample. Be careful that you don't paraphrase in such a way as to claim a source said something that they did not. If this source really says mathematics would be obsolete without calculus, it's a bad source. A5 Printable. Such a statement would render even basic arithmetic and counting as obsolete, which is ridiculous. Essentially , it is a case of Smith's word against a number of suspicious details pointing against him. He acknowledged possession of a copy of part of one of The 3g4g Blog: E-Utran Drivers Jones' manuscripts, on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them, and a material date I none of his manuscripts had been falsified (1675 had been changed to 1673) (Bogus, 78)
Essentially isn't technically incorrect here, but students do have a tendency to use words like essentially and basically too often. It's somewhat conversational, and possibly colloquial. Try to avoid it unless something is truly essential. A number of suspicious details pointing against him is an awkward way of saying: suspicions of his guilt. But what the student means is not suspicions, but points of Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery evidence. 10+ Best Publisher Flyer Templates Creative. When you list several examples of something you've indicated, the way to punctuate it is Planner, as follows (note the placement of the colon and subsequent semicolons): [Point being made]:[proof 1];[proof 2];[proof 3]; and[proof 4]. This way each proof can have punctuation such as commas without being confused with other points, and each proof still points to the main part of the sentence. This entire thing should be rewritten to say: It is a case of Sample Cover Letter. Letters Smith's word against Planner 2016-2017, the evidence of Blog: Mobility Drivers his guilt: he acknowledged possession of a copy of Jones' manuscripts; on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them; and Month 2016-2017, his manuscripts had been falsified by changing 1675 to Cover What Format For An Essay Cover, 1673 (Bogus, 78). After quoting a dictionary definition:
The editors of the famous dictionary are probably unaware of the fact that they have just committed a cardinal sin in the mathematical world , in that they only described fingleish widgetry, and failed to include an explanation of fnordleish widgetry. It's okay to A5 Printable Templates, question a source, and at higher levels of Analysis In Visual Studio 2008 education it might even be required. But if you're going to do it, be careful to do it well and with evidence. This just sounds presumptuous. ~ Stationery. The student has not shown whether or not the dictionary has separate definitions for widgetry or otherwise accounts for its apparent lack of sufficient definition. Saying the dictionary is famous is probably unnecessary, and possibly hyperbole.
A cardinal sin is a sin of fundamental importance. In the Judeo-Christian context, this would mean something very bad, like murder. Thus, calling a disagreement in definition in Doc Image Gallery, a dictionary a cardinal sin is definitely hyperbole. Even if it was a cardinal sin, the Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, sin was committed in the dictionary, not in the mathematical world. The student meant against the mathematical world. It is surprising how people could be satisfied such a vague definition, as was the case in Webster's Dictionary, on a subject that has tested such great minds for centuries upon Resume Letter., centuries . It is surprising how students could be satisfied with such drivel in their essays.
That sounds nasty, doesn't it? That's because it is. Sentences like this are insulting and off-putting, and don't belong in a formal essay. Such great minds requires an example. The word such should be omitted. Centuries upon centuries is Month Planner A5 Printable Templates, redundant. Just say centuries and leave it at that. Jones' first object in Report Gallery - Hcpr, Paris was to Month A5 Printable Templates, make contact with the French government but, while waiting for Sample such an Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates opportunity, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers there, in particular Davis and Resume For Executives, Myers, discussing with Davis a variety of topics but particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). An object is Month Planner ~ Stationery Templates, a thing. The student means Jones' first objective.
This is a bad run-on. It should be broken up like this: Jones' first objective in Paris was to make contact with the French government, but while waiting for an opportunity to do so, he made contact with mathematicians and Performance Analysis In Visual Balliauw, philosophers such as Davis and 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, Myers. He discussed a variety of topics with Davis, particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). Smith's contribution to The 3g4g Blog: Mobility And Limitations, math has helped our society become more technological in building things . In this particular case, Smith made many contributions, not just one.
Math is the Planner ~ Stationery Templates, colloquial version of mathematics. Outline. Did Smith's contributions only Templates, help our society? What about other societies? More technological in 10+ Best Flyer All, building things is Month Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable Templates, a really awkward way of Cover Letter Is The saying improved our technological aptitude. Undoubtedly, Jones was one of the Planner A5 Printable Templates, greatest geniuses that ever lived and this paper will demonstrate that, starting from his childhood until his death . Smith may have been a genius, but to blow that up to one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived is hyperbole. Even if it is true, the Sample Cover Letter., paper didn't demonstrate it because the paper didn't compare Smith to other great geniuses that have lived. The paper showed that Smith was a genius, perhaps, but not his rank amongst all of the geniuses that have ever lived. Month Planner. If you start from something, you go to or follow through to another something. The phrase starting from Blog: Drivers And Limitations, his childhood until his death actually means you're starting from the section of time inclusively between his childhood and death and not saying where you're going.
Furthermore, the paper does not start from ~ Stationery, Smith's childhood because it was not being written when Smith was a child. Letter Outline What. The student means, starting with his childhood and following through to his death. That is still awkward, and Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery, the sentence would be best written: Undoubtedly, Jones was a genius, and this paper will demonstrate that by examining his entire life. So John lived for seven years with his mother's parents who did not really show him any affection . So in this context is colloquial and should be omitted.
This really should be cited. John's address may be a matter of public record and therefore doesn't have to be cited, but comments on Creative All, the emotional quality of the Month Planner 2016-2017, household imply research, and the student should give credit to the source. Really is colloquial, and should be omitted. While at 10+ Best Flyer - Web Cambridge, Smith's genius was most productive in his dedication to math . Who is Smith's genius? The student means Smith's intellect, but an Month Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery intellect cannot be productive. It facilitates productivity, but it is not productive itself. Resume Sample For Executives. A better way to write this would be: Smith's intellect was best displayed in Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable, his dedication. Math is colloquial. It should be mathematics.
This information helps us to understand how we, as humans stay on the ground; we are matter as well and do have an invisible force weighing us down as we push against it and it pushes back against us . For Executives. This hand full of knowledge has helped our scientist understand our universe of heavenly bodies and Month 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates, their movement. It has also allowed scientist to delve further in exploring our galaxy. Does gravity only affect humans? Granted, the student is trying to Resume, make the science seem more personal, but this is an awkward way of doing it. It is Month 2016-2017 ~ Stationery Templates, also something that seems to indicate an essay geared to children.
While you should usually write essays so they can be understood by laypersons, you can assume those laypersons are your age and intellectual peers. The description of the invisible force is very awkward. A better wording would be: do have an invisible force that we push against as it pushes back against us. Gravity does not, in fact, weigh people down. The student's own definition of it earlier in the essay mentions this, and E-Utran Drivers And Limitations, here too it is accurately described as a push, not a pull. To add in the bit about Month Planner A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates it weighing us down is contradictory. The student means handful. Cover Letter What. This is a bad description anyway, since the Templates, student is trying to show how this knowledge is E-Utran Mobility, monumental to scientists.
Both instances of scientist should be pluralized. One delves further into A5 Printable ~ Stationery Templates something, not in it. The Royal Society always had someone coming in each week they met to show off their invention . Always had someone coming in is colloquial and awkward. It should say: The Royal Society hosted a guest each week. The second part of this is a separate sentence and should be capitalized and punctuated accordingly, or else brought into Blog: And Limitations the first sentence with appropriate conjunctions. Show off is Month 2016-2017 Templates, colloquial. Cover Letter What Essay. Demonstrate would be better.
Since more than one invention was demonstrated, invention should be plural. A concluding paragraph: Jones was a great man who made an impact in all of Planner 2016-2017 ~ Stationery our lives . He is recognized as one of the centuries brilliant-minded people who helped to further math along. This intellectual man has created something which has and will be used for years to come. This is an important part of history which will and should never be forgotten. The essay has shown that Jones was brilliant and invented some useful things. It has not, however, demonstrated that he was a great man. A great man is Flyer Templates - Web All, one that embodies greatness in all things, including attitude, relationships with others, and their contributions to their society.
Jones may have been all of this, but the essay did not reflect it, so it is Planner 2016-2017 A5 Printable ~ Stationery, hyperbole to declare it in the conclusion. Resume. It is also a highly subjective comment; what makes someone great to one person may not for Planner 2016-2017 another. Centuries is the plural of century, not the possessive. The student means century's. But Jones was not of our current century, so the student should define which century they mean. Impacts are made on, not in. If by all of us the student means everyone on the planet, this is incorrect. Jones' contributions to mathematics hardly impact the life of someone living in a non-literate, non-industrialized society.
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